Pardon me, may I have the last 30 minutes of my life back?

I would like to thank OpenLetterstoKRXQ.wordpress.com for posting the podcast of The Rob, Arnie and Dawn show on KRXQ in Sacramento. I was reading all sorts of complaints about one of their shows in which Rob and Arnie were suggesting violence to children who express gender identity disorder and had not hear it myself. Thank you. Now,

Who do I see to get back the last 30 minutes of my life?

I listened to the segment, all 36 minutes of it and first of all. I need to say this. Rob and Arnie's positions on GID, while inaccurate, should not be construed as hate speech, nor should their right to express it be hindered. Their advocation that violence, or physical discipline is the solution is borderline criminal. Their intolerance for fellow host Dawn was atrocious, vile, disrespectful and adolescent. The radio station, its advertisers, and audience possess all the power necessary to regulate their comments.

I agree with very little of what was stated during that 36 minute discourse on contempt prior to investigation, yet some of it had merit. I wouldn't let either of those two men coach my children in sports, lead them in a Scout trip nor take them to a ball game with their children. It is a fact that some children act out for attention. However, for those of us who hid our gender identity, buried that innate sense of self inside of us, dealt with the struggle daily for 20, 30 or 40 years, its not a matter of attention. In fact we want no attention. Just the right to quietly live our lives, to earn a living and to be.

Is GID a mental disorder? Is it a hormonal imbalance during gestation which creates the mind to be incongruent with the body? Is it a condition created through nurture and not nature? All of these can be debated because there is yet no definitive study on what creates an individual's sense of gender and thereby their expression of it.

Yet one thing is not debatable. It exists. It's real, its overwhelming to many of us and its persistent. It doesn't go away after years of "manning up" for boys or "knowing your place" for girls.

The First Amendment gives Rob and Arnie the right to prove their ignorance. All 10 give me the right to exist.

Extremely gifted Leith has spoken again!

I miss me some Elora....

Caught in a Landslide

I cannot say I grew up insisting I was a girl. For that surely meant a world of hurt. I couldn't tell you what defined girl, and what defined boy. I knew I was me and that it was not right with how I needed and wanted to present myself.

From my earliest recollections I wanted to breakthrough this bubble, this invisible barrier I was trapped behind. Yet to ask for help meant exposure. Exposure meant discipline. Discipline meant a thick leather belt.

So, I did the only thing I knew. I "pimped out my crib" my cocoon, the bubble I lived in. I could see out, yet no one, absolutely no one got in. I found behaviors and activities that were socially acceptable for boys and that I enjoyed. Usually this meant solitary activities. Riding my bike, drawing, watching TV(escapism), yet sometimes playing with GI Joe, and building forts(a lot of role playing activities). I surely had my "male" version of Barbie. Instead of pink, I was rolling in blue or olive drab.

I remember the first time I knew I was different from my brothers or my friends. It was when I put on a Peter Pan collared blouse and a tartan school girls jumper. It that moment, the world felt right, the buzzing stopped and I felt I belonged. I could not tell you why. I can say, I chased that feeling at lengths. Through other things too. Jobs, girlfriends, cars, booze.





I had always wanted to grow my hair long. At one point in 1973 it was as long and many young men hair is today that is to say, longer than many. However, my parents would have it cut short by the time I started turning 9 or 10.

First Things First

Well, I'm going to do it.

I don't like talking religion or politics. It seems with either one, someone is always offended or put off.

However, as a Christian first, American second, and being transgender third, I prefer to hold my convictions based on those filters.

One, does my position represent the principles of my Christian faith? That God is first and I worship only Him, and I practice love and tolerance for my brothers and sisters as a means of being of maximum service to God and my fellows?

Two, does my position uphold the principles of the Constitution and our rights as defined in it, my duties as a citizen to defend those principles and to stand firm against those who wish to ignore and/or tread on those principles and rights?

And three, does my position further understanding and acceptance for my fellow transgender brothers and sisters?

First and for most, am I doing God's will? To seek that I ask for guidence and pray for it. I then have to meditate for insight. The thoughts that come to me must then be filtered though four qualifiers. Am I being self-centered, dishonest, resentful or fearful?

I'm human and I'm prone to fail. I do not profess to know alot, let alone the answers to many of my questions. Yet I'm okay with that.

I find the political climate extremely disturbing. Hate is not a commodity in sole possession of the Right. Nor is the Left the sole bearers of true tolerance.

I have little faith in either canidate as being "The Messiah" or "A Faithful Servant".

Yet based on positions and plans for our country, I find pulling the lever for Obama-Biden too difficult. It will be hard enough pulling that lever for McCain-Palin with one hand pinching my nose.

Barack Obama's desires to "distribute the wealth" are in stark contrast to our American principles. Our government is OF the people, FOR the people, and BY the people. He's too leftist for this Libertarian. Personal liberty has never been more in jeopardy than it is today.

I will defend my fellow citizen's right to express their political viewpoint regardless of whether that position is in accord with my own. I suspect many of you would do the same. For anything less is truly unpatriotic and quite un-American.

May God Bless All of Us

Reminder of Upcoming TV conversion

One Year Later

It's ironic. One year ago, while at SCC I heard Joe Solmonese speak to the largest transgender conference in America. However I didn't remember him being so " uhm" well, "uhm" un-well-spoken..... I know I usually stammer when I'm trying to deceive someone....

Uhm, but, in his uhm defense, he, uhm did , uhm say he was , uhm optimist uhm about our uhm chances....